So happy I didn’t succeed.

Eighteen months ago I tried to overdose on sleeping pills and antidepressants so that everything would stop.

Six months ago I broke down. I got diagnosed with PTSD and opened up about my trauma for the first time.

I’m not going to say life is sunshine and rainbows now because it isn’t.. well sometimes it is, but you just can’t plan for that.

Seeking help and going through therapy (EMDR) was some of the hardest days I’ve ever had. Confronting and reliving what happened, all your fears, all your nightmares.. it made me mentally and physically sick.

I’m still on that journey, a little further down the road, only I’m much better prepared and I know what work I need to do to get through it.

I still have depression, anxiety, ptsd and chronic illness and I’m not sure that that’ll ever change, but I can say I’m so unbelievably glad that I didn’t succeed in ending my life all those months ago.

If you read this, and you are struggling.. please believe me when I say that you can survive this. Call a friend, a relative, a helpline.. leave me a comment and I’ll happily talk to you. Just don’t give up.

14 thoughts on “So happy I didn’t succeed.

  1. I’m so glad you didn’t succeed too. Yes life isn’t always all sunshine and rainbows but it’s still worth pushing through and finding things to live for. You’re getting married which is super exciting! I think you’re lovely xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. 🤗 🤗 🤗 Unfortunately I’ve been there as well… And yeah, it may get easier with time but some moments, I still struggle with the thoughts that I’m angry that I didn’t succeed 😔… Like you, I had therapy (but not that much) and I got meds that help me… I do hope that your good days will outweigh your bad ones. That you’ll find comfort in your life again. Wishing you all the best! 🤗 🤗 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing and I’m sorry you feel that way, I do sometimes think it would’ve been easier or better for everyone if I had succeeded but that’s the depression and ptsd talking really. It’s ok to feel bad as long as we keep going cause we will feel better again. Thank you, you are a star ⭐️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Awww thank you! I’m glad we both didn’t succeed but yeah, when the depression hits, it sometimes still bothers me. I’ve been through a lot since then, some good but also bad… And to think I might have avoided the bad… Well, my depression likes the thoughts of that. I’m trying to push through all that though… As I know it can get better 💪
        Thank you for sharing this with us ♥

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Anxiety, Depression and Chronic Illness is enough of a trifecta without throwing PTSD into the mix. I survive the first three with the help of my meds, and I am super glad you have also found a way through. We are better off with your voice still, you know, voicing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes it has been helpful although it’s not an easy process at all. It also makes sense why I struggled with mindfulness and meditation because you can’t clear your mind or let’s your thoughts run free when you’re trying to keep trauma locked up.

      Like

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