Why was it so hard to post this?

I was heading out for the day with my mum and sisters to watch Chicago at the theatre and although I was very excited the usual anxieties were kicking in.

Will I be ok, can I cope around that many people, what if my IBS flares up, what if we argue about something, what if we miss the show.. and the age old.. what will I wear?

I’ve always been self conscious regardless of my size and weight, and though I am trying really hard to be kinder to myself both physically and mentally, it isn’t always easy.

Following people on Instagram of all different shapes and sizes has been helpful, seeing bigger bodies and thinking they are beautiful definitely helps me challenge why when I see my body I immediately criticise or complain.

One thing I’ve been teased about is my boobs, when they were small I was teased for not having any and now they are bigger I’ve had a lot of comments about showing them off. Why do I always have them out, why do I have them on show if I don’t want people looking? It’s exhausting. I’ve also noticed that when smaller boobs are on show it seems to be a lot more acceptable. Going out in a bralet? Perfect summer attire.. but if I or another larger lady do it, it’s sexualised or criticised.

Why is it sexual or disgusting for you to see my bralet with my dress if it makes me feel good about myself? It took so long for me to decide to wear this and I had so many intrusive thoughts, I sent a picture and asked friends, family, my husband.. I even put it up on my Instagram stories asking my friends to advise me if it was ok to go out like this or not.

In the end I went with it, I was nervous and expecting some looks or comments but I actually had a really nice day and more importantly i was comfortable and I felt like I looked good.

Guess what, boobs exist. In all shapes and sizes. My bigger busted friends and I should not be judged for having more cleavage on show, maybe we decided we looked or felt good, or maybe, clothes are not made to accommodate us and we can’t help it. If people cover them up or show them off, it shouldn’t make one bit of difference to you.

Oh and while we’re on the subject, don’t forget to give em a squeeze and check them out, we should all know what our normal is so we can recognise when something is wrong.

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